Discussion Question

Do you think your average young woman in America would be more offended by a strange man telling her, even in polite terms, that he wants to have sex with her or by his telling her the way she is dressed is immodest or immoral?

What do you think and why?

I'll save my answer for later.

Comments

[Hannah]

I think that the average young American woman would be more offended by being told that they're dressed immorally than by an offer such as you described above. I am an eighteen-year-old young woman, and while that wouldn't be the case with me, I think that my peers would feel much less affronted and insulted by the former. When your attitude and manner of dress is being questioned it can be taken as insulting, but an offer of relations seems like a compliment on one's body, if you don't think too hard, which many girls my age aren't in any danger of.

[marianne]

Sadly, I think #2--the way she's dressed is immodest/immoral.

[Milehimama]

Well, I'm a young American woman (I'm not 30 yet!) and I think the average young woman would be more offended by someone telling me I was immodest.

In our culture right now, it is a compliment if someone wants to hookup, but it is taboo to criticize someone's dress, piercings, tatoos, or other "self expression".

The worst social gaffe is to "judge" someone else. I use quotations, because the people who use the phrase "don't judge me" don't actually know what that word means.

Now, myself personally, I would be very offended by someone telling me they wanted to sleep with me, but I've been married for 10 years. I've been hit on - more than once - while visibly pregnant and while sporting a wedding ring and it just disgusts me.

[Barb]

I guess I'm not a young woman because I would definitely be offended by the first statement. But sadly I think most young women would be offended, intrigued and then curious by the first and flat out offended and angered by the second.

[barbara]

Dean -

I'm sending my readers over to weigh in on this - and eager to hear their comments and yours.

Have you considered setting up some type of scientifically controlled test :)

barbara

[Angela]

I'm 30something, and I believe most women in their teens, twenties, and thirties (at least) these days would be more offended by the comment on their immodest appearance. Many (like me) would be mad about the first comment, but much more angry about the second. It's a stretch, but she can find a compliment in the first comment if she tries. No one wants to be told they look like a whore even in polite terms. It is a statement about her own character.

[Donna]

I don't think many young women would be as offended with #1 as with #2, if they are even offended by #1 at all.

[Katie Gillet]

Definitely more would be offended by #2, although I myself would be horrified by the first. I'm also 26 and married for four years.

[Greta]

The first is considered to be a compliment, and the second to be a huge putdown, a judgement, and an infliction of your own personal values- how dare you! Frankly, I would be totally embarrassed to have someone tell me either of these things, unless, of course, it were my husband. I would very much want to know if I were dressed inappropriately, but not by just anyone.

[Tara]

I think they would be more offended by being told they were dressed immorally

[Lainey]

As a young woman I would be insulted by both comments, but the second would insult me more. The first comment, while lewd, at least means the commenter finds me attractive. The second, no matter how nicely said, means the commenter thinks I look slutty. I think most women would rather be considered attractive over slutty.

[MamaKat]

as the mother of two daughters who have lots of average young American female friends ... Definitely #2. Most of them consider offer #1 to be a compliment. Sad sad sad....

[Louise]

Sadly I would have to agree with the majority of the answers already posted. I think that a lot of "modern" women would rather be propositioned than rebuked- even if it was gentle. There are those of us out there who would consider scenario #1 extremely offensive and be mortified (and immediately cover up) at scenario #2- but I think that's probably the minority.

[Bryanne]

I agree with most of the other answers. I would be offended by both comments/questions. I think in today's culture, the second comment would be taken as a personal slam against the young lady. Sadly, she would most likely NOT take the comment (no matter how polite) to heart. Instead, she would probably find the person who commented very rude or "old fashioned".

[Marci]

I think she would be more offended by being told she was immodestly dressed. If a man politely told her that he wanted her sexually, I think she would be flattered. I had it happen to me when I was 19 and I was shocked, but flattered (I wasn't a Christian). If he had told me I was immodestly dressed (I was not, even by my higher standards now), I would have been offended.

[Cara]

Hey, Dean--

I'd be more offended by the second statement than the first, for the following reasons: 1) I live in a culture where men make inappropriate come-ons. This reflects very poorly on their moral character, but may in fact have nothing at all to do with me (I may have been quietly minding my own business, fully covered). I do not take these kinds of comments personally...again, I view them as an indicator of the speaker's lack of character and general boorishness/lasciviousness. 2) On the other hand, a statement from a random strange man about his belief that I'm inappropriately dressed can in fact imply a lot of very personal innuendos to a woman--namely, that she's a woman of poor judgement at the very least, probably of poor character, and at the worst end of the spectrum, a slut who's just "looking for some action." This comment about how I might be dressed reflects very directly on me personally; the prior comment about wanting to sleep with me simply reflects the man's immoral thoughts and behavior, which thankfully I won't have to give another thought to as soon as I've walked past him. The comment about my attire, however, is something I may not be able to "walk away from" as easily, whether or not I may be perceived as allegedly "deserving" the comment; it strikes directly at the heart of what kind of person I perceive myself to be, and additionally, what kind of person others perceive me to be.

[Stephanie]

I would be hurt more by someone touching me than telling me I'm dressed improperly. Both would hurt, but I would be terribly ashamed if someone said I was dressed immodestly. I'm 52 years of age.

[Robin]

I answered the other question first, but I'd like to comment on this one as well. I agree with everyone that most would be more offended by the second comment than the first. The first isn't as personal, really. It's common knowledge that men find women attractive, and many men, given the opportunity, would have sex with anyone who was willing.

The second comment is more personal. At a minimum, it's a direct attack on the girl's taste in clothing. Yet, women personalize things more, so it would feel more like an attack on my character and integrity.

[polly]

I just came over from the LAF site. I'm 30, married 8.5 years, and have an infant son. I'd be more insulted by someone giving me an inappropriate 'pat' (I'd be outraged!) than saying I dressed immodestly. If someone told me I dressed immodestly I think I'd be ashamed, then convicted. (if it were true!)